the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There's always time for handjobs
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
