All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
