:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
