hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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