how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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