I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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