Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
