we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
