the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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