i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
