and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
