Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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