so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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