Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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