it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize