It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize