Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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