its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
