Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
