My hand turned me down
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
