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• (316): View more from Kansas

  sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.

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• (530): View more from California

  So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant

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• (516): View more from New York

  you left your dildo in my car

  (516): View more from New York

  rules of finders keepers apply

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• (612): View more from Minnesota

  My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!

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• (408): View more from California

  Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?

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• (323): View more from California

  Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.

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• (828): View more from North Carolina

  I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday

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• (949): View more from California

  I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again

  (1-615): View more from Tennessee

  You have a 50 50 chance

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  I would not recommend douching while drunk.

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