The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
