Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
