hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize