Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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