Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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