Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
