I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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