sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
