Duck Duck Cougar?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
