Whod you bang
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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