You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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