he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize