Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have fence marks all over my body
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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