party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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