I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize