I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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