everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
