Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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