I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
