If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize