I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
