Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Floor bacon is actually really good
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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