the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
