I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
