Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
