I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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