I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
