This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
