Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
