dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
where are you?
Hypothermia
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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