you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
