I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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