is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
