capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
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