I think I died a long time ago.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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