SEEEEXXX PLEASE
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
