Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
