Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
