I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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