I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
