Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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