he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
