What did we do last night that was yellow?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
