Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
