i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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