she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
