i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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