theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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