thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
