I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
