First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize