you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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