Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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