he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
don't judge my taste in strippers
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
