So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
