I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My feet surprised me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
