So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
