I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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