A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
