Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
