the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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