forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize