I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
