is your mom at the bar?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize
