So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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