In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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