Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
