I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
