Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
