i wish there were pregnant emoticons
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
