return my video game
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
