the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
