I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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