I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
