Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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