we're chasing vodka with high fives
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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