I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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